Playing golf with Jonathan, 26

What you can discover, learn, offer in a few holes of golf.

I have played the Golden Horseshoe Golf Club courses since 1986. Met all kinds of people. Often just once.

Golf, regardless of your skill level, is the sport that binds us because it is so darn difficult. Conversational distraction can help us either play it better, deal with it, or know something about another person.

My connections have spanned topics like serious mental illness, caregiving, loss of a child … politics and religion are ones to avoid. Hampers the game if you disagree. I learned this from a NYC cab driver in 1980. It reflected on his tips.

Jonathan is not his real name. He was behind me. Playing quickly. In front of me was slow. So, we joined up on number 6 at the Green Course. The number 1 (or 2) handicap hole. Today, we both had a 10 MPH headwind from our respective tee boxes. (I played silver. He played white). This par 4, he wisely plays as a par 5, he tells me on the green.

Today, I play 9 holes. Walking with my electric cart. He hopes to make 18. He has a golf cart, but would rather have a cart like mine and walk.

Over four holes, I learn the following.

He’s 26. A structural engineer. Two years on the job. Works for a contractor that serves military bases and mostly rehabbing structures from the 1950s. You think about it, we have many, if not most, requiring an upgrade throughout the country (roads, water/wastewater plants, dams, bridges, buildings). The work will be good for his career, I remark, as long as the financing is there.

We connect because I can recall my first job at 24, working in a cubicle all day, late into the night, feeling like a nerve-ending. Not helped by drinking Folger’s Coffee. Also, for a firm depending on federal contracts for the Construction Grants Program at USEPA.

While he does not dwell on it, he is experiencing the chaos of deadlines, office operations, working for a government project officer, who could be moving on soon.

His contract is safe for another year and then he supposes the low bidder gets the next one. As a younger guy, he could find himself working with another company if they win the contract.

That first job, you don’t know what to expect. You can’t worry about it and do your work, but with months to go, you could be out of a job through no fault of your own.

For his age, he knows more than I did. We talk student loans. He has one. Wants to pay his off as soon as possible. (I cannot fathom how a college education became so expensive.) Others in his life might disagree.

He’s only been playing only one year and easily gets out of a sand trap. I ask about his prior sport. He played college tennis. Taught as a pro. Had he taken lessons? Not yet, but he knows he would benefit. Wants to have a swing like mine. Effortless.

I tell him, Well, it had been not so effortless the previous month, but I spent an inordinate amount of time on the range before this 9 holes, trying to re-find my swing. The wind was blowing so hard that day, I decided to pretend that I was hitting under a low branch for every shot. Magic. My swing returned. This is golf. Up and down.

You are retired. What do you think about investment. I thought he was asking about investing in golf. He said, No. 401(k)s, Roth, etc. My knee-jerk response, As much as possible. Why? What will happen to social security in the future, after my generation has exhausted it? If I had taken my mother’s advice, I would have skipped government control of any account, pay the taxes, and kept stock and bond certificates in a safety deposit box. She may wind up being right, 30 years after her passing.

Buying a home? I opine, I think it will come down. I hope so. But, renting works for many people, including my sons who are trending to 40.

Yeah, I want to get rid of my debt. You think like me. I hated the burden of any debt. Yet, I can see how people learn to manage it, if not use it effectively as a tool. So, I offer the contrarian view for balance.

On my mind this guy is going to be a very good golfer for a very long time. He asks me about my tennis. Do I still play? Never on his level, California made me a much better player, but the body was struggling. Friends suggested golf and I was hooked and gradually ended competitive tennis by 38. (Last time I played, other than with my sons, was in Orenburg, Russia against friends there.) He said, That’s what I am feeling.

Perhaps the one thing this guy has already learned is to ask for help. So often you think you know better. There were times I did. Older influences, like my first boss, mentor and lifelong friend, Bill Ditman and my mother modeled asking for help in a way that we were not helpless. Bill once told me that it was the most important skill that I had mastered.

Jonathan’s brother-in-law, a golf pro, could teach him, but was always booked. So, I offered a pro at the Green Course who lives near him. He played college level sports, too. Made the connection.

You know, it’s not a big thing, sharing your experience, but it’s what you have to offer. And, you can offer balance. Recognize that commonality and disagreement are normal.

Jonathan has mastered a game. Tennis. Played at the top level. Given lessons, so he knows the value of a good teaching pro.

Professional work, well, that’s something different. He reckons that politics might play a role in who gets contracts. Yup. But has the instinct and the skills, engineering, that if he’s not in debt, he has options. I hope he finds a guy like Bill Ditman to act as his mirror.

Time. It’s becoming more and more precious. Nice that it worked out that this young guy was open to joining me for a few holes. Made a new memory for me.